Lonely

Today loneliness crashed into me.

It got out of the car and swaggered over to see,

What damages occurred to its blackened jeep.

Turning racing car red swiveled and started screaming accusingly

At me!

You! You, worthless shit, insignificant failure; of a SHE!

Caught by surprise,

By the tooting of his horn,

I believed him.

Tossed up by his horns in the ring,

Ringed by a jeering crowd,

Silent but loud in my head.

Tears pricking my eyes,

I try so hard to disguise,

How I feel to the outside.

Panicked, vanishing before I am seen,

Trembling I feel so fucking small, unclean.

Running I fall into that pit of the same old shit.

Old git girl you are more fit than this.

This song has had me for so long.

I can’t even remember where it came from.

But I can’t bear to wear it.

As it tears, tortures ‘n slaughters my magnificent dreams.

Dreams that are truly not what they seem.

Calling 911 tuning to SOS:

Stop, open and soften, to what often is playing us.

Stay and listen until, as Beyoncé says;

‘”the torturer becomes my remedy”.

Drinking her Lemonade,

Donning a turbo tank, my combat boots,

I pause, I preen.

I’ve got this, I got new teachings to make light work of this scene.

Of carnage and dents, airbags, scratches and stench;

Bent into each other as they’re forcefully merged.

On the curb I watch as loneliness also passed.

In the slow lane, but faster if I tend the task.

It’s the mask and societies tape that knows how to adhere.

Stealing my breath as the shattered rear view mirror still reflects my fears.

The windshield’s covered with splattered my fly distracted mind.

Washed by wiper’s fluid and the speed of truth.

Applying the brakes is all that it takes to avoid this collision;

Along with the decision to call triple A.

Who are on their way to say: Awareness is Always Awake.

So for my truths sake; I choose not to drink and drive with you, anymore.

Lock my doors foot to the floor.

No need to clutch as I am fully automatic.

Fully fueled, feeling fluid.

Protected by policies of Vedic insurance.

Loaded with facts, of what is an act of ever changing stop my lights.

This speedster’s driving deep in some knowledge and faith.

Turning hard to my right, down my road to that glorious green light.

Hell yes! I will be free next time lonely tries to shag me. ~ alya 2017