Lonely

Today loneliness crashed into me.
It got out of the car swaggered over to see
What damages occurred to his blackened jeep.
And racing car red started screaming accusingly,
At me!
You! You worthless, useless, insignificant failure; of a SHE.
Caught and gripped by surprise,
By the tooting of his horn,
I believed him.
Tossed up by his horns in the ring
Ringed by a jeering crowd
Silent but loud in my head.
Tears pricking my eyes
I try so hard to disguise
How I feel to the outside.
Panicked vanishing before I am seen
Trembling terrors; how I feel small unclean.
Running I fall into that pit of the same old shit.
Old git girl you are more fit than this.
This song has had me for so long.
I can’t even remember where it came from.
But I can’t bear to wear it.
For it seems to tear, torture then slaughter the sweetest of dreams.
Dreams that are truly not what they seem.

Calling 911 tuning to SOS:
To stop open and soften, and listen to what is playing,
Stay listen as Beyoncé says;
“and the torturer became my remedy”.
Drinking, savouring her Lemonade,
Donning a turbo tank my combat boots,
I pause, I preen.
I’ve got this, I got new teachings to make light work of this scene.
Of carnage, dents, airbags, scratches and stench,
Shapes bending to each other as they’re forcefully merged.
On the curb I watch as loneliness also passed.
Maybe in the slow lane but faster if I tend the task.
It’s the mask and tape that knows how to adhere.
Breathless shattered rear view mirror still reflects my fears.
Windshield covered with splattered fly distracted mind.
Washed with wiper fluid and the speed of truth.
Brutally squeezing screeching brakes is all that it takes to avoid this collision;
Along with the decision to call triple A.
Who are on their way to say: Awareness is Always Awake in you, you too.
So for truths sake; I choose not to drink and drive with you anymore.
Lock my doors foot to the floor.
No need to clutch as I am fully automatic.
Fully fuelled, feeling fluid.
Protected by the knowledge of Vedic insurance.
Loaded with facts, of what is an act changing like stop lights.
This speedster’s driving deep in some knowledge and faith.
Single track, hard right swerving to the road of one green light.
So I’ll see; I will be free next time lonely tries to be “homie” with me. ~ alya Jan 2017